But a little unsure about what to do with leftover maraschinos

Any one who meets me will see that I have a lot of energy. I suck at sitting still. You might think, “Wow! If only I could be so productive!” And in our performance culture, I fit right in. I am successful. I had a client (who is very much my senior) tell me that she felt badly for bothering me because I seem so busy.

But this energy is not always beneficial. I can’t channel it. And it gets out of control relative to work. This is where my energy and perfection-obsessed brain mix into some sort of steroidal concoction. I go through weeks where I can’t stomach a lunch which doesn’t consist of simple carbs. I’m paranoid about every e-mail I send. And every conversation I have. “Did I say everything right? Did they understand what I said?” And my favorite lately “Did I end up adding anything of value?”

All of this really makes me paranoid. I work enough hours that I have learned to compensate at work (the degree of success is debatable). But this same line of thinking causes even more distress in social situations. I spend so much energy on spinning around certain social situations that I can’t remember when the last time was that I actually had fun socializing or meeting people.

That’s me-completely disconnected from the rest of you folks out there. Most times I feel like I’m speaking a different language. One that doesn’t rely on the Roman alphabet

I made these cupcakes for a party where I had an uber-moment (suddenly found myself surrounding by a dozen women my age all wrangling their 15-month old children. I couldn’t take it. And I had to leave these beauties behind, but not before DH had 3.

Make these. Black Forest Cupcakes from Annie’s Eats

That’s it- I have to go to bed. I don’t get the world.
Beth

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